I went for a walk around the garden today. When my head is full a walk tends to make me aware of what is playing on my mind. My trusty ginger buddy always accompanies me on a walk around the garden. He enjoys gently catching my ankles in the long grass. A game that has caused me to trip over in order not to stand on his little paws far too many times. Nearing the old fig trees, the fruit beginning to ripen to a beautiful dark purple. I caught myself thinking "no, not yet".
I realised that I've been grasping at straws. Trying, in a desperate attempt, to slow time down. We can't be nearing the second half of August already?! Once the figs are ripe, it will be time for me to head back into the classroom. Time to meet my new students for the brand new school year. It feels like yesterday that I was doing that, and yet it's nearing a year ago.
I say it in every Wonderful Wednesday post, but, where does the time go? I was speaking to Fraser's brother, who is currently studying Psychology about this. He explained that mentally time flies by quicker each year for us. So our first year on this earth is our longest. Which explains why the 6 weeks holiday when we're little seems to last an eternity. He said that with each year that goes by, it seems like a huge chunk of time disappears.
Both a lover and hater of change, I find myself completely torn. Does anyone else feel like this? I see the very infancy of leaves changing colours and part of me is excited for Autumn to arrive. The other part of me is wishing she could go back in time a few weeks and savour every moment. Would I change things if I could? Nope. But still this time travel idea nibbles away at my mind.
Savouring the moment, being in the moment, mindfulness and all it's glory. It's a proper buzz word at the moment isn't it? Gratitude lists and taking time to appreciate where we are right now is rather popular - and rightly so. I try. I try so hard. But then I get swept away by plans for the future. Dreams of what I hope my life will be like one day and thinking up ideas of what I can do next.
I'm not very good at staying undistracted. The lady on my meditation app tells me that it's okay to be distracted. As long as you eventually come back to the present moment. The inevitable feeling of time passing, means I touch base for a split second. It is whipped away from beneath me before I know it.
The feeling of not quite being able to catch my breath. Paddling my little legs as fast as they will go beneath the surface. The heavy weight on my chest. It is sometimes overpowering. As I sit here typing away, and feeling swamped by life and it's velocity, a thought occurs to me.
You can do it all, just not all at once.
With that small sentence, the overwhelm subsides, I can breathe easier. We put so much pressure on ourselves do it all. To have it all. Right now. It's time we realised that we can't and even if we could stop time, would we?
If you get a similar feeling when change is just around the corner, I'd love to know. Feel free to comment below or pop an email over to firstname.lastname@example.org. It's lovely to have a chat and realise you're not the only one with crazy time stopping thoughts.
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