Journaling Therapy: Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Maybe you plan to get up early, go for a run and be home by the time you’d usually get up, but you stay in bed because you’re just too tired.
Maybe you’re working towards a career goal, the opportunity for promotion comes up, all you have to do is fill in the application, but you talk yourself out of it.
Maybe you’d like to make meals that satisfy you and your family, that are nutritious, filling and really yummy, but you don’t get all the ingredients and you opt for a takeaway instead.
Maybe you know you feel a lot better when everything is clean and tidy, you know that you’re more productive and enjoy being at home more when it all feels nice and ordered but you just can’t seem to make it happen, and anyway, what’s the point, it’ll be a mess again tomorrow.
We don’t just self-sabotage in the more obvious ways, we can self-sabotage in more discreet ways too: Taking on too much - rather than just cutting the grass in the garden, you tell yourself you’re going to weed the flower beds, turn over the veg patch, cut back the tree, feed the birds, no you’ll wash all the birder feeders first AND THEN feed the birds. This taking on too much can lead us to not being able to fit it all in, when others see we take on so much, they’ll ask us to do just a little bit more too. This is a form of self-sabotage, because your needs will be at the very bottom of that list.
Journaling prompt 1: How are you getting in your own way?
Self-Sabotage is rooted in negativity, disorganisation and negative self-talk. Of course, for many, feeling like an imposter or trying to make something perfect plays a part in this too. Self sabotage is exhausting, it can leave us feeling anxious, unsure, confused and lacking in self-belief.
Journaling prompt 2: What are your self-sabotage tools?
Do you self-sabotage with numbing distractions - things like social media:TikTok or reels, watching a tv series you’re hooked on? Other forms of self-sabotage can be stress eating as a form of punishment, staying up late when you know you’re tired and just want to sleep, drinking excessively, taking drugs, overspending and self-harm.
Journaling Prompt 3: Why do you personally self-sabotage?
For many, setting goals gives us a real kick, goal setting feels exciting and makes us feel great - there’s a reason for that! The act of setting goals releases dopamine into our system. However, when we start working towards that goal, we’re getting out of our comfort zone, our safe zone, and that feels scary. This will trigger an innate need to keep ourselves safe and do what we need to do in order to stay safe. Our brains haven’t evolved enough to realise that, yes maybe we haven’t worked towards this particular goal before but we can keep ourselves safe in doing so. We have to tell ourselves this over and over again.
In regards to safety, this can have roots within our childhood, if we had someone looking after us who was worried about us getting hurt and sort of wrapped us in cotton wool, we’re going to be more prone to thinking everything around us is unsafe, and therefore get in our own way in the name of safety.
If, during childhood and our teenage years, we experienced a form of neglect or rejection, it can cause us to expect this in all relationships, in order to keep ourselves safe, we may sabotage the relationship so that we’ve taken control, again in an attempt to keep ourselves safe.
How to self-soothe:
Our nervous system likes familiarity, it’s looking to continuously return to familiar behavioural patterns, because this feels safe. When you spot that you’re back on that familiar path again, self-regulate: rub your heart space, tell yourself that you’re safe, breathe, and ask yourself is this familiar path the kindest course of action for my future self? For the me I want to be? Remember, kindness isn’t about giving in or letting yourself walk all over yourself, whilst it can be gentle, kindness is generous and considerate. Therefore we need to consider what it is we’re getting in the way of and whether this familiar path is one we wish to go down for our future selves.
A lot of the time, you’ll notice when you’re getting in your own way and you’ll get annoyed and frustrated. Take a deep breath, calm yourself first and notice that familiar path. Ask yourself, using your name why am I choosing this path? “Peta, why are you choosing this path?” and listen. This can be a great thing to journal with.
Let’s get practical:
So now, I’d like you to think of a way in which you self-sabotage. Just pick one. Write it on your page. I’m going to give you 5 minutes to work through this. I’d like you to write the following below:
“ *your name*, why do you choose this path?”
And write whatever bubbles up for you, don’t worry about full sentences, just write whatever comes into your head. Even if it doesn’t make much sense at first.
Journaling prompt 4: How can you act as a re-direct? How can you re-route yourself when this happens, take a moment to jot down your thoughts and ideas.
Journaling prompt 5: How can you reward yourself when you do manage to re-route to the path that leads you to your kindest future self?
Journaling Prompt 6: Looking back, what telltale signs are there for when self-sabotage starts creeping in?
Feeling like an imposter
Trying to do things perfectly
Giving 100% instead of 70%
Starting arguments
Looking for flaws in others
Using specific phrases like “What’s the point” or “I can’t be bothered”
Journaling Prompt 7: As a safety net, what will you do in the future if you do self-sabotage?
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